Recently, Evans and I had a Skype date where we read sections of Tim Keller’s book The Meaning of Marriage. After reading the section entitled “Apocalyptic Romance.” We got into a discussion about divorce in America.
Evans believes that many Americans don’t take marriage seriously enough and I agree, but I also added that there are situations that call for a husband and wife to live separately such as abuse which is NOT acceptable. You would most honor and love your abusive spouse (and yourself) by removing yourself from that abusive situation and encouraging the spouse to get professional help/counseling.
Keller’s book also talks about how “we look to sex and romance to give us what we [would] get from faith in God” (Keller 36). Keller concludes that these unrealistic desires for our spouse to fulfill us, save us, and/or complete us may be leading to high divorce rates (50%) in American society. Your spouse cannot fill the God-sized hole in your heart only God can do that.
We expect the “love-of-our-lives” to always, and forever understand us and have feelings of love for us. But realistically this isn’t always possible (there will be times when you dislike your spouse). What if your spouse is dealing with depression because of a family member’s death and they cannot adequately show you love because of grief? What about when your significant other forgets your anniversary or hurts you emotionally? Then your “apocalyptic romance” ideal is shattered. What happens when the “honeymoon” is over and you realize the man or woman you ended up with is actually human..which means they are mean sometimes, annoying sometimes, and selfish sometimes? Do you leave the marriage? The answer Evans and I have to the above question is “no” to divorce. We will not say the “D-Word” after we are married.
Now you may be wondering, “well what if he cheats, what if he abuses you, what if…” And to answer those questions:
As long as Evans is submitted to God and hears from God on a daily basis then God will lead him to take good care of me and love me with the love of Christ (Ephesians 5:25; 1 Corinthians 13:4-8). If I trust God, and I trust that my husband is submitted to God then I have nothing to worry about in our marriage. Now there will be times when neither of us are submitting to God and those are moments where I trust the Almighty God will save us from ourselves, and that the Holy Spirit will intervene and help us not to do anything stupid.
Ultimately, Evans is my gift who I prayed for years for…so I will accept the gift and all of the flaws that come with the gift. Marriage is not perfect, but God is perfect. So if God is at the center of our marriage He will begin to perfect the marriage as we submit ourselves to Him.
After we get married Evans is my portion; the gift God gave me forever. I know that complete love, purpose, and fulfillment do not come from my spouse… it comes from God. True love goes beyond the idealistic emotions of romance, and crosses into feelings of companionship.
Companionship with my spouse and most importantly an intimate relationship with God will produce a God honoring life and marriage.
– Love you all paa! and God loves you so much more!